Into the Deep
by TheCloakedShadow
Summary: Sequel to From the Outside. Avery passed physical initiation with flying colours, and her relationship with Eric finally seemed like it would settle into a rhythm. However as soon as mental stage starts, everything turns on its head, and a multitude of questions arise for Avery. So many things don't make sense, and when memory disagrees with fact, she knows something is wrong.
1. Chapter 1

**Well. I honestly never thought I'd ever write this.**

**For anyone randomly stumbling across this story, it's a sequel, to my story From the Outside, and it's set in Dauntless initiation 1 year before Tris arrives. If you have not yet read that story, I strongly suggest you do as I promise this story will make absolutely no sense to you whatsoever! This part starts with the mental stage of initiation after Avery's year finished physical initiation, and I can only guess that this part will finish at the very end of initiation, or potentially even later, in the run up to the start of Tris' initiation.**

**As for my From the Outside readers, I can only be eternally grateful and eternally apologetic for your continued reading. As mentioned in my many A.N.s, my life is extremely busy as are most people's and the time I have available to write fluctuates greatly. As it happens, I think I'll have more time to write now than I did in my… 8 month hiatus, but know as good as my intentions are, the world often doesn't let me fulfil them!**

**Furthermore, just a warning, this story is M-rated, unlike my previous story, and there will be a decent amount of smut (although it's also my first M-rated). In fact, the very first scene is smut so if you're not for that, I will put a warning before every sex scene, and another marking when the sex scene finishes, so if you don't want to read it, you can just skip it. This story will not revolve around sex, despite its feature.**

**Finally, thank you so much for spending your time here, I hope you'll enjoy this story and love my OC as much as I do. Although, just another warning, some reviewers have complained about Avery (my OC) being quite insensitive and heartless. This is just her character as I wrote it, if you want an honorable main character go find a mary sue fic, which this is definitely not! One of the main themes of this story is exploring a protagonist, that is distinctly not that good of a person. I mean its an EricxOc romance, what normal protagonist would Eric fall for?**

**Disclaimer; I own nothing but my OC's the world of Divergent belongs to the wonderful Veronica Roth.**

-SMUT-

"Shit!"

My back arches uncontrollably and my head rolls back, Eric's lips attached to my neck, his fingers incessant through my underwear.

There have barely been any words since I was carried down the stairs, fumbling through Eric's door as his hands stripped me of my jumper, and our clothing has since been reduced to our underwear as the sheets below me crumple.

I try to get a firm grip on the back of his head, before locking my legs around his hips and rolling us over, reattaching my lips to his. I grind down on his firm erection, the tip peaking out of the top of his boxers, or I might say half out due to the sheer size.

"Off!" It's a grunt from Eric as his fingers push the sides of my bra up, and my lips leave his as I sit up straddling him to take my bra off.

"Mother of God…" I barely have a second to think as I heavily rub my centre against him before he's sat upright, one hand on the small of my back as I lean backwards, and his lips suck around a nipple. I let out a loud moan that turns breathy and fast as Eric's other hand trails sensually down into my underwear, his fingers stroking controllingly.

"Eric!" I cry out as he teases a finger inside of me, before further exploration.

"God, I waited far too long for this…" He mumbles as he releases my left nipple and moves to my right. My hands claw for something to hold onto, something to please, but only grasp through the tendrils of his hair on the back of his neck as my hips take point, rolling in attempt to push his fingers further.

I think about how thick his fingers are as he stretches me, and desire overwhelms me.

"Eric please!" I moan as his lips on my breasts relent for a moment as he smirks.

"Please what, darling?" He drawls, looking up as me from where his lips tease around on my chest.

The sudden spark in my eyes still doesn't give Eric enough time to think as I push him back down onto the bed, my hands either side of his head. We kiss furiously as I reach a hand down to push away his boxers to finally touch his prized possession. His groan lets me leave his lips as I trail down his neck, leaving a quip on his collarbone before focussing on the exquisite muscle of his pecks whilst my hand strokes firmly. After placing a few kisses along his abdomen, I bring myself eye-level with his cock, my breath tickling his tip as my other hand pulls his boxers fully off.

And as I lean forward, lips caressing his prick, my eyes look up to meet his innocently, and that's when I know he snaps.

I'm on my back in an instance, underwear ripped off, his hands pushing firmly on my inner thighs to widen them as his cock finds my entrance. He stills, leaning forward till he's over my lips.

"God you're gorgeous." He murmurs before he thrusts in roughly, his lips devouring me as he does. It's a stretch, and not completely comfortable, but I wouldn't call it painful either.

He stills fully sheathed for a moment and brings a hand up to cup my jaw as our eyes meet momentarily, before it all resumes in a frenzy.

Never could I have imagined the intensity in which he would take me, deep and relentless as I feel the mattress compress beneath me with every thrust. Every noise that comes out of my mouth is completely incoherent as I see stars, a part of me reached that I barely knew existed. There's a knot in me, getting tighter and tighter as I feel myself being wound up further and further.

"Yes, Eric!" I moan wildly, my voice unmistakably higher in pitch as his lips trail to my chest.

"Fucking hell Avery, fuck!" He grunts, his voice guttural and the opposite of mine. "Come on baby, I know you're getting close."

My head nods as I don't trust my words whilst his hips piston through me, the slick pleasure against my walls building and building as a hand moves to the small of my back as my body arches without my instruction, my voice crying out as the string snaps.

If I thought it was the end, I was sorely mistaken, as I hadn't even left the peak of my pleasure when a sudden intense pressure right at my centre burned brighter, and as I blink Eric's pressing his thumb against my clit heavily, and my left leg is pushed right up over his shoulder and his hips move even faster against me.

"God Avery, come on babes you can do it" Eric groans breathily. The same stretching feeling inside rose up again, but so much faster than before as I realise, I'm going to cum a second time.

"Eric!" I cry out as my body goes stiff once more and my eyes squeeze shut as everything goes fuzzy.

"Fuck!" Eric's hips slow as his arms wrap around me and pull my limp body towards him as he releases inside me, and we both slump in pure pleasure and exhaustion against the bed.

-END OF SMUT-

He pulls out and lies down on his back next to me, and as I regain the sense of where I am, I crawl on top of him, leaving light affectionate kisses on his lips as my hands stroke his chest.

"Well worth the wait?" Eric murmurs cockily, his eyebrow raised, and I don't even answer as I smile at him, leaning in to wipe the smirk off his face with a kiss.

"Well at least this confirms why your ego is so big." I murmur softly, my own smile taking over my face as his arms envelop me into a crushing hug.

"Your gorgeous." He murmurs into my ear and I giggle.

"Never would I have thought this would happen, thinking back to the first time I saw you on that rooftop."

"Christ…almost half a year ago."

"With me scuttering around trying not to be noticed…" I say back.

"Your late, initiate. What are you doing, initiate?" Eric mutters into my ear.

"My apologies sir. What are your orders, sir?" I reply, a little grin on my face as his eyes widen slightly on my face, and I'm pinned against the bed in under a second.

"Saying that here will get you into trouble…" Eric grunts, trailing across my shoulder, before he collapses his hold and his arms surround me in a close hold again.

"I'm just happy I get to keep you here from now." He says, his legs wrapping around mine as he yanks the covers out from under us before draping them over us. "And fuck you every night."

"I mean, I know its legal now, but surely we shouldn't just broadcast it to the whole of Dauntless, they're sure to realise it started before now, plus all my friends think I've been hooking up for the last few months." I question softly, expecting him to from in irritation, but he just nuzzles closer.

"No need to worry about it… I'm not telling you what, but with the nature of initiation from now on, not one really questions the whereabouts of initiates, and it's not like we are going to be making out in the middle of the Pit." He tells me. I nod slowly, trying not to let my thoughts wonder about initiation.

"Stop thinking about initiation." Eric says suddenly, and I look up at him innocently.

"I wasn't, I purposely tried not to think about it." I say indifferently, before meeting the grin in his eyes. I hold his gaze for a long moment, just smiling, before I pull the covers back and untangle myself from him. "I'm going to go shower before I fall asleep… want to join me?"

My question is slightly nervous, and he smirks from his position on the bed, just staring at my naked body. He stays silent for a long moment, and I raise my eyebrow at him questioningly, fighting the urge to cover up.

"I don't think I need the invitation." He suddenly says with a smirk, before climbing out of bed in a flash and chasing me into the bathroom.

12321

I wake up to Eric placing butterfly kisses on my face.

"Sorry to wake you, you have to be in initiation rooms by 8." He tells me before placing a healthy kiss on my lips. I look past him to the clock and it's 7:45.

"It's your fault, you make me sleep for too long." I say before rolling him over and straddling him, his hands firm on my waist underneath my t-shirt as I lean down to kiss him. Our kisses grow deeper as my tongue swipes against his lips, and my hips instinctively roll against his boxer-clad hips, before he abruptly pulls away.

"Perhaps I should have included how I have to be at the initiation rooms at 8 as well, and I have to be in a vaguely functioning state, so stop your seduction you minx." Eric tells me with a grin, lifting me up off his hips and climbing out of bed to get changed.

"Here." Eric suddenly throws some clothing at me, and I catch most of it before finding a bra, my jumper from the day before and a pair of black jeans. I change whilst sitting on the bed, vaguely admiring Eric's form as he pulls on some black cargo trousers and a black t-shirt. As he turns to leave he catches me topless and curses before going to the kitchen and I smile. This could not have been more perfect.

12321

I feel like I've awoken from a dream.

As we walk through the corridors of dauntless, everything feels different. Maybe it's the sex. Maybe the surprisingly cuddly Eric? But no, I don't think it's that.

Everything up until yesterday's ranking feels like it's over now. All that training, it was all for that ranking, getting Lily through, and now we start again with renewed purpose. Although I feel as though I'm starting all over again. Like I need to make friends again, like I need to observe every surrounding again, that I need to be on alert.

I guess I do need to think of a way to cover up my absence last night. And come up for an excuse for not seeing Beth off. And an excuse for not caring.

And I guess I need to be alert, since I need to ace this mental stage too.

My mind starts filtering through possible things that could be the mental stage. The clothes Eric gave me really aren't suitable for any kind of combat, so I doubt there will be any physical aspect to it. The word mental makes me think of therapy, so potentially some kind of interview, or verbal test of mental strength, or maybe a situational test, of what you would do in different situations? Whilst that seems the most likely in my mind, they've been so secretive about it I doubt it's something so simple. Not to mention you can lie in a situational test, it doesn't exactly scream intense dauntless initiation test.

Suddenly Eric stops in front of me as we hear the footsteps of multiple other people.

"I'll see you on the other side. Right, right, left." He tells me, before heading left. I walk through the corridors and it isn't long before I'm greeted by a cheer.

"Avery!" Sure enough, Mark and Leon are walking down the corridor towards me as we reach the door to the initiation rooms.

"Congrats on passing first stage guys!" I say with a smile.

"Oh come on, where have you been first-ranked! You missed the celebrations!" Leon grins and I shrug.

"Perhaps I was just thinking ahead and getting a good night's rest before mental stage?" I say, drawing my mind away from the 'good night's rest'.

"Of course, of course, thinking ahead as always. Have you seen the others yet? I think they were a bit rattled by…" Mark trails off.

"Beth… yeah. She… yeah." I don't manage to find any words that aren't insensitive. Too caught up in teenage girl drama, not enough interest in Dauntless. She would've done well in Amity.

As I open the door to the initiation rooms, its just another corridor, with chairs along the walls like a waiting room. Jay, Lily and Ben are all sitting together, looking anxious and slightly downcast.

"Hey guys." I say

"Avery! Where were you last night? When the rankings were revealed?" Ben stands up and puts his hands on my shoulders, and I meet his eyes.

"I went of to get some fresh air to calm myself down… and lost track of time. I missed the reveal." I say gently.

"So have you heard?" Lily asks, her eyes quivering. As we share eye contact, I know she knows I have.

"Yes. Congratulations Lily, I told you you'd make it." I say softly.

"Wait… when did you find out? Did you get to see Beth, she's already left-" Jay says, a crease in his brow. I hadn't even thought about it.

"Eric came and found me to tell me the rankings… by that time everyone had already gone. I just have to hope she knows I'll miss her." I say, fabricating the partial truth. My words hang in the air as one of the three doors at the end of the corridor opens, Four stepping out.

"Jay. Come this way." Four says, and everyone in the room, all the dauntless-born, transfers, anyone who made it passed stage 1, looks to Jay. He stands up and walks steadily towards Four, who takes him inside, closing the door.

As the click of the door sounds, everyone in the room is looking around nervously. At this point, everyone's realised it. No one knows anything about initiation from here on out, and we aren't separated dauntless-born and transfers. It's all on ourselves from now on.

Not a moment later, Eric opens another door, his eyes raking over the corridor full of initiates.

"Charlotte." The tall, chocolate haired girl I remember from paintballing and sniping stands, and follows Eric into the room.

Silence.

Slowly whispers and murmurs fill the room, and I sit down in Jay's vacated seat next to Lily.

"…" I try to think of something to say to her, but the hurt in her eyes is making it difficult for me to think of something.

"I know it's difficult to think about it now, but you should be really proud of yourself, for getting through stage 1. Beth would've been proud too." I say softly, and Lily looks up at me with tearful eyes.

"She said she was. She was proud of me." Lily murmurs, the sadness plain in her voice. "And now she's going to be factionless for the rest of her life. Who knows how long that will be with how dangerous it is out there!" She wails slightly before her head falls against my shoulder, and I put an arm round her, gently stroking her back to calm her.

"It's alright. It will always feel sad, but it's just something we have to accept." I say. "Anyway, we're in mental stage now, and this is where you'll be so much stronger than everyone else. We all know how brave you are, how strong your will is. All will be fine."

She nods lightly against me, and I don't speak anymore. After around half an hour, the room is almost half empty, and when Eric opens the door, it's Lily's name he calls. She looks to me worriedly, and I just smile, giving her shoulder a rub.

"You'll be great, he can't hurt you." I say, and she stands and walks away. Just before he closes the door, Eric meets my eye, and I feel like only I could see the twinkle in it.

More and more people follow, and I realise no one is gone for the same amount of time. Not a timed test then… potentially time dependant, or we could be ranked on our times like a race. Furthermore, there seems to be no pattern in who gets called next. Nothing to do with gender, rank, previous faction… I'm at a loss.

Then, when only me and Raven are left, Four pokes his head round the door and meets my eyes.

"Avery." I stand and follow after him, waiting for my curiosity to be satisfied.

The room is on the bare side, with plain grey walls and floors, although lighter than the rest of the compound. Artificial light falls upon the main thing occupying the room, a reclined chair, with a machine next to it, syringes and needles beside it.

A simulation.

Something within me jumps, as if it were putting me into fight or flight mode, and I'm suddenly extremely alert.

Be Dauntless.

The words ring through my head as Four motions for me to sit on the chair.

"Right. Well, I'm sure you recognise this machine, and in the mental stage of initiation we will use serums to stimulate simulations, to teach you to control your emotions in a frightening situation, in order for you to be Dauntless."

I nod firmly, but I feeling far from confident as thoughts fly through my head. A frightening situation, imminent death, a friend about to die, family, pain, that kind of thing. That's fine, I can deal with that, you just calmly work your way through the simulation until you're safe.

I'll be fine, I just have to pretend to be dauntless.

To be Dauntless.

"Alright then." I say, letting a deep exhale through my lips. Four gives me a reassuring look as he pushes my hair to the side.

"I'll be watching the whole time. The simulation will continue until you are no longer frightened." Four tells me, as the needle is poised against my neck.

"Be brave, Avery." Four says, and that's the last I hear before my vision goes black.

12321

Everything is black. There's no light. I can't see anything. I can't see myself.

I'm falling.

The feeling of my stomach hurling upwards tells me that.

But there's no wind. There's nothing I'm falling into.

Falling where.

Falling from where, and to where.

I try to feel myself, but I can't move my arms or legs. They are moving, but I cannot move them.

But I'm tumbling, tumbling downwards. I feel nothing, there is nothing, other than myself.

My heart is in my throat, its beating faster than anything I could ever have imagined, its unnatural.

This whole thing is unnatural, how is this happening, how is this possible?

This is a simulation.

Four, four injected the serum, it created this simulation in my mind.

It's a frightening situation.

Well he got that part right.

He said the simulation will end when I am no longer frightened.

Am I frightened? Yes.

How do I become not frightened?

I get to safety.

How do I get to safety?

I need something. Anything. Anything that exists in this bizarre world, other than me, and then I can get to safety.

There're no walls. This isn't a well, or a shoot.

There's no noise.

I try speaking, but nothing reaches my ears but my own thoughts and observations.

There's no feeling of resistance against me… there's no wind… hang on… is there no air at all? Am I in a vacuum?

No, because I'm breathing.

Then, where am I?

I have no answers for my own questions.

This isn't going terribly well. I wonder how much time has past.

My breathing rate and heart rate is still through the roof. If I calmed them down, that would count as being calm, being not frightened. Surely?

But I have no control of my body. This heightened sense of panic is brought on by my high heart rate and breathing rate, but I have no way of altering them.

So, what do I have?

Nothing material, that's for sure.

No control over anything involving matter.

Only my mind then.

How can I convince myself I'm not frightened then?

I'm falling.

If I'm falling, I must be falling towards the ground. If I'm travelling at speed, which I should be since I've been falling for more than enough time to reach terminal velocity, then I will hit the ground and die.

At least I can't be frightened if I'm dead.

I'm falling… to the ground.

I'm falling… to the ground.

I'm falling…

**As per usual, the chapter never ends with an ending. To be quite honest, this chapter doesn't go into great depth in terms of Avery's character, so if your feeling lost, perhaps go and read the last few chapters of From the Outside to jog your memory? Anyway, I've introduced something I think is quite unique to Avery's mental stage, something we won't have seen from her in From the Outside, and it will cause questions from her, from Eric, from her friends and from Dauntless about a whole new ballgame of things. I mean usually my AN's are fairly thorough, but I already spoke quite a lot at the beginning, so for now, that you so so much for reading, hope you enjoyed it and please review! **


	2. Chapter 2

**Just to address some reviews about how Avery and Eric's relationship still isn't 'legal' as she still isn't a member of Dauntless, while this is true I haven't based the illegality of their relationship over the fact she isn't a member, as there is no member-initiate relationship law in my version of Divergent. The problem was that in physical, Eric ranked the initiates himself on his own opinion of how good they were. Now in mental stage rankings are based on their times in simulation, which is not influenced by Eric's opinion, so his bias to her wouldn't be a problem with Dauntless leadership. Hope this clarifies them being able to 'be together' although I agree if their relationship were to become public now, there would still be a lot of disapproval...anyway, here's another chapter!**

"Avery!" I shoot out of my seat and end up collapsed on the floor, and all of a sudden, I realise I can feel my hands, I can move my body, I can see.

My breathing is still through the roof, and as Four kneels next to me, securing his hands on my shoulders to steady me, I have the strength of mind to look into his eyes.

"What the fuck happened?" I ask, my thoughts completely incoherent. It was a simulation… a simulation. Initiation. Mental Stage. Dauntless.

"It's alright, you're back here. It was a simulation." Four says steadily, and the shock of his dark blue eyes bore into me. He's panicked too.

"What happened? Did I calm down?" I ask confusedly. The only thing I can remember is thinking I was falling.

"Can you stand?" Four asks, ignoring my question. I nod lightly, and press against my feet, but they wobble, and I only get up with Four's help.

"Come on." He says, leading me out a different door to the one I came in.

We are back in the corridors of Dauntless, but I don't recognise it, until we take a few turns and are back into the populated areas.

"Where are we going?" I ask him, as he keeps a supporting hand under my arm, pulling me onwards. Did he do this to all the initiates? It's taking a while to get wherever he's taking me, and the other initiates were never gone for much longer that a quarter of an hour. "How long was I in there for?"

I had no concept of time in there… It could have been a few minutes, although it felt like…

Four looks at me momentarily, his eyes hard as he once again ignores my question. I finally recognise the pattern of corridors he's taking me through.

"The infirmary?" I question softly, and sure enough we turn the corner and we are walking into the fairly empty infirmary. Around the corner I catch Jen's eye, and she frowns and hurries over.

"What are you doing here, its mental stage now right?" Jen says shaking her head at me, although she still greets me with a smile.

"She needs a check-up." Four says, his voice hard, and as Jen meets his eye her face frowns confusedly.

"Alright… follow me." She says, leading us down the white walled corridors and into a small room.

"What exactly does she need? What's happened?"

"Sustained high heart rate and breathing rate." Four says shortly.

"How high, for how long?" Jen asks with her eyebrow quirked as she types things into the computer.

"Averaged around 250 bpm, 40 minutes."

My eyes snap to Four and he refuses to make eye contact, and the only noise in the room is Jen rapidly typing, the keys clicking irritatingly.

"I don't understand." I say softly.

"Neither do I." Four replies.

We stay in silence whilst Jen fusses around me, and before long she's sat back in her chair.

"Well, you're all normal now… I can't say what would've happened if you'd have stayed in simulation for any longer." Jen says.

"Her symptoms at the time I pulled her out were similar to that of cardiac arrest."

"Well that would make sense, which means she really shouldn't be in that state for any longer… 40 minutes you say?" Jen's brow is furrowed. "Make sure you take her out by then next time if necessary."

"I will." Four says, and Jen leaves the room.

"What's the average time?" I ask as soon as Jen leaves the room.

"Around 10 minutes. I've never seen anyone go longer than 15 minutes before though." Four answers.

"But then… how do they get out of it? With no way of calming the heart rate, or changing anything in the simulation-"

"Most people can." Four says. "For instance, if someone's afraid of heights, they'll be standing at the top of a really tall building, and if they jump, or calm their heart rate, they'll leave the simulation. I've never seen anything like yours though, are you afraid of the dark?"

I meet his eyes questioningly.

"No."

"Heights?"

"No."

"Anesthesia?"

"…potentially?" I question. I don't know, I don't remember ever being under anesthesia so how would I know?

Four starts pacing the room uncontrollably.

"Did you have any control over anything you did?"

"None. I couldn't move anything, I couldn't alter my breathing or speak or anything. I thought of calming thoughts and my breathing and heart rate stayed high, I thought of frightening things and my heart rate didn't get any faster." I say. "It doesn't make any sense."

"No. It doesn't." Four says. He meets my eyes. "I don't know why this is happening Avery, but I suggest you keep it quiet. No one will question it; most people will be extremely rattled by their own fears and won't ask. I'm the only one who saw your simulation, so let things lay low until next time, and we'll try to figure out a solution."

I'm about to nod when I remember him.

"What about Eric?" I ask, and I try not to let my eyes, voice or face give anything away.

"It's fine I'll call for you first tomorrow, and I'll make sure I get there first."

"So, you don't think he-" …should know? Of course, Four doesn't, that's what you think- "-he'll find out? How long does mental stage last, if you keep on calling me first, he'll be sure to know something's up."

Four looks extremely unhappy about something.

"It's fine, Eric doesn't hate me, he'll find out eventually so we might as well not make too much of a big deal about it." I say softly.

"But as soon as he knows, it goes straight to the higher ups. The time isn't what I'm worried about, I have no control about that going public, just about the nature of your fear. It's so… unusual. This isn't just a danger to your ranking Avery, this could… And what's more… you don't seem that scared by it."

His eyes rest on me as he finishes his sentence and I look away. Of course, he hit the nail right on its head. Unsettling yes. Out of my comfort zone, yes. Terrifying…

"There was… I was more scared than I've ever been." I tell him. "But when I imagine what ultimate terror feels like, that wouldn't be what I imagine."

The room is silent once more for a few moments as we both observe each other's reaction. What was left unsaid by Four… he said this wouldn't just be a danger to my ranking, but to something more. What's more?

"Eric is extremely likely to find out Four. Whether he tells leadership or not-" I say.

"He will-"

"He won't." I reply. I mean… I'm not actually sure about that. Can I really say he would put me before his work? I have no idea how 'dangerous' this is as four put it, and yes, he's made it clear he cares about me, does that mean anything more? I mean it's not like sex changed any of that.

"We don't know that." Four says, his brow furrowed. "Avery, I know he gave you extra training through physical, but that's because he's priming you for a high-level Dauntless position. If this is enough to change his mind about that… I think it is."

"We just have to hope next time it's a simulation you can get out of." Four says.

"Huh?"

"The simulation changes, it sifts through all your different fears. Hopefully your other ones won't be like this one, and then Eric can see those and won't get suspicious." Four says tiredly, and I nod.

"Well, we have our game plan. I should go and find the others." I say, and Four opens the door.

"Remember what I said, keep it quiet." Four tells me as we part ways outside the infirmary.

12321

I meant to try and find the others.

The others being Lily, Jay, and I guess Ben too, and then maybe also Leon and Mark. But there was almost no sign of them.

I went back to the dorms, and the atmosphere was stifling. Someone was under the covers, sniffling and sobbing quietly, despite how at least an hour must have passed since they got out. I went to the Pit, expecting to see a few initiates eating their terrors away, and although I did, none of them were ones I wanted.

So now I find myself at the training room, where I would most likely be, letting out some pent out stress after facing a fear, and finally come across familiar faces.

"Fuck, I'm out." It's Leon who's giving out, pinned into a hold by Mark, both sweating from their intense spar. The usually light-hearted and joking duo have an unusual seriousness in their eyes as I get closer, and although Leon still tries to have a smile on his face, its obvious Mark has given up all pretences.

After taking a sip of his water bottle, he puts it back down on the floor, but not a moment passes before he's kicked it in anger, the metal clanging slightly as it bounces and skids to the side.

"Need a spar?" My voice is quiet, but firm enough in the ominous room that I'm easily heard, and I meet Mark's eyes. There's a desperate hunger in his eyes that I haven't seen before, even when we were fighting each other for top spot. He nods simply and moves back onto the mats, and I crouch to take off my boots and socks, impractical for fighting, and then also my thick jumper leaving me in a sports bra and black high-waisted jeans. Still not ideal, but it'll have to do.

I pull my hair up into a ponytail as I walk onto the mat, and as soon as my hands leave my hair I am tackled to the floor.

When I remember my fight with Mark, he was all close and physical, trying to get in my face to secure me in a hold so he could do some serious damage.

He hasn't lost any of the physical, up close and personal approach, but instead of the thoroughly thought out grabs and reaches, its an intense frenzy of attacks, unrelentless.

Immediately I'm forced to block with my arms due to the speed of his attacks, and I quickly move into more high-speed blocking tactics. Realistically, this spar's only purpose is to let out energy, so instead of dodging and ducking out of the way, I take as many of Mark's hits as I can, and dish out as much as I can too.

Finally, as he runs towards me ready to push me to the ground and pin me, I swing a fast leg up to his shoulder, knocking him backwards before putting in a harsh blow to his ankle and shoving him backwards with all my strength. Whilst it's successful in putting him completely off balance and he stumbles far backwards, our difference in mass surprises me and I'm pushed back, my feet sliding against the mat until I end up on the cold concrete floor. We're sweating heavily, and completely exhausted, and Mark finally drops to the floor, lying on his back panting.

Leon comes over to me, offering me water, and as I take it he moves over to sit by Mark on the mat.

"Insects. I had millions of these tiny ant-like insects crawling up my body, eating me alive as I was chained to a chair." Leon says quietly, his shoulder's shuddering as the memory crosses his mind. There's silence for a while, and although I know Four said to keep it quiet, I'm sure I can reveal something.

"Darkness." I say simply, and Leon meets my eyes and nods. It's quiet once again, and although it's obvious we are waiting for Mark to reveal his fear, there's another feeling, of support, of how this is almost a shared experience.

"I saw my sister drowning." Mark's voice is empty, and I realise it's the first thing I've heard him say since I entered the room.

The growing silence in the room feels like its eating us alive and I'm terribly aware of the noise I make, sitting down next to Mark just as he sits up.

"I knew we'd be facing fears… I just didn't expect that." Mark's voice shakes slightly, and it seems so ironic. The day after it feels like we're the strongest in the world, we've gotten through the physical training and all come out in the top rankings, we're knocked down to this reality.

"It was some sick person who thought this up." I say, and Leon chuckles at me.

"Well there are a lot of sick people in Dauntless." Leon grins slightly, and the corners of Mark's lips raise. "Oh yeah, I saw Lily and Jay go off somewhere together before we came here, it looked like they were heading to the Pit?"

"Ah… they weren't there but it's fine, I wouldn't want to interrupt them." I say softly.

"So that's properly happening now… took them long enough!" Leon says and I roll my eyes.

"Try spending half your time with them it was sickening how obliviously stubborn they were." I mutter.

"So, you and Ben…?" Mark questions, a small grin finding his face. My eyes snap to him with a sharp glare.

"Not a chance in hell, I've told you before."

"I'm just saying, it's not exactly a nice thing, but Beth is gone now…" Mark says with a slight shrug.

"So now he'll know his rejection was nothing to do with Beth, and everything to do with him."

"Ouch! I almost feel sorry for the guy. Wanna go get some food?" Leon says, and the three of us walk comfortably out of the training room, joking about like nothing had happened.

12321

"Avery!" As Mark, Leon and I are digging into some well-deserved Dauntless cake, a light voice calls my name and sure enough Lily is jogging over, closely followed by Jay.

"Hey guys… is everyone okay?" Lily asks slowly, looking around at each of our faces. Leon is smiling cheerily as usual, my face is passive as usual, although Mark's expression still has a tightness to it.

"We're in one piece." I answer and she sits next to me, Jay sitting next to Mark. "How long has it been since you got out?"

"Ah, about 4 hours? When did you get called?" Lily replies, as I pass Jay my fork after he'd looked at me expectantly.

"Second last. They didn't do it in any order, or at least nothing I observed." I say.

"That's weird, I mean I'd expect first-ranked to last or vice versa." Jay says, his mouth half stuffed with cake. Out of the corner of my eye I see lily smile fondly at him. I hope I'm not going to have to endure too much PDA.

"To me it just looked like whoever Four and Eric liked the look of. Although I wish I would've had Eric instead." Leon says shrugging.

"What? Why would you want Eric to see your fears, omg he was 10 times more terrifying up close." Lily says frowning. Mark and Leon looked at each other and then back to Lily like she was crazy.

"No no no, I'd have Eric, at least he has a more normal number of fears." Leon says.

"Huh? What do you mean?" Lily asks.

"Oh my god. That's why…" I trail off.

"Huh?"

"It's how Four got his name. The number of fears he has." I say, and Mark and Leon nod.

"No one underage is supposed to hear anything about initiation obviously, but when Four came through as first-ranked, the whole compound was buzzing." Mark tells us.

"So how many is normal?" Jay asks, now finished with the cake.

"I mean, Kray's older brother has 13, and that's supposed to be average." Mark says.

"Yikes… I'd still prefer Four though. I wouldn't be surprised if Eric came up as one of my fears…" Lily trails off, laughing nervously.

We chat aimlessly for a little, and I add to the conversation every once and a while, until I feel a chill down my spine. Eyes on me.

It's less than a second before my eyes find his, almost boring into me from his seat with the other leaders. He quirks his eyebrow at me, and I realise he's trying to ask me how I am.

I smile back lightly, before Lily draws me back to the conversation.

My mind trails off, and I realise I have an actual dilemma on my hands.

I trust Four, and I trust his words when he said my fear was dangerous, what the serum did to me was dangerous. But he doesn't have a clue about Eric and I's relationship.

There's something in me, pulling me to get up right now and run over to Eric, curl myself under his big arms and ask him what to do. And yet, I'm feeling a painful headache coming on, as if my brain is yelling at me to keep this secret.

"Avery? You want to go shopping with me?"

Lily pulls me out of my thought train, and I blink slightly, rubbing my temples to try and lessen my headache.

"Sure, let's go."

As soon as we're out of the Pit, and away from the boys, Lily's arms link mine and she drags me through the hallways.

"Did you have a nice time with Jay?" I ask, breaking the tension I know she's feeling.

"Yeah… I did." She says, blushing. "We just talked about stuff. He made me feel a lot better about everything that's happened yesterday and this morning… what a nightmare its been." She says. As we reach our go-to clothing store she pauses outside the door.

"I mean, now I'm the one dragging you out here. I'm going to have to now Beth's gone." She says, with a fake smile.

We wonder in and start browsing.

"How did you find this morning? I mean I know it must be bad, but…" I start the conversation, and she looks back at me with a wry smile.

"It was horrible. I had cuts all over my body and they just wouldn't stop bleeding. I mean I knew I had a problem with seeing lots of blood, remember when back home, Adam cut his arm whilst cutting the crops? I was terrified then, and I was terrified this morning… it was just so much. But I guess it wasn't too much of a surprise, I knew I was afraid of blood." Lily says softly, moving through the railings.

"Jay had a massive spider." She says chuckling. "He said he knows it's a stupid fear, but he can't help it."

"Well that's true. We can't choose what we fear. Plus since it's a simulation, it can be completely unrealistic, or something we've actually experienced." I say.

"What… what about you?" Lily asks slightly apprehensively.

"Darkness. There just wasn't anything there." I say simply.

"Really? I'm surprised, since you sneak out at night so much, plus you did so well in paintballing." Lily says, and I stiffen slightly. I should've thought this through a little better.

"Yeah, but there's always some light, some indication of direction and your surroundings. This was just… nothing." I trail off, the memory of the simulation making me frown.

Lily stays quiet for a little.

"I guess we just to hope they get easier. I don't know if I can get through 13, like Mark said." Lily says worriedly.

"Then you can be the next Four." I say teasingly, and she rolls her eyes at me. "Come on, changing rooms?"

We leave the shops with a few bags in hand, mostly full of clothes for outside of training now we knew we'd be spending a lot less time in the training rooms.

"Come on we can go and unpack this stuff in the dorms." Lily says, and I skip a step. Eric made it clear this morning he expected me to stay with him permanently, and although I wholeheartedly want to spend every night in his bed, I have no way of getting out of not having clothes in the dorm, and I have no desire to tell Lily about my oh so secret boyfriend. I mean for heaven's sake she was saying how he'd probably be in one of his fears a few hours ago, how could I just tell her I've just slept with him and he wants me to move in?!

"It's weird I feel like you haven't been in the dorms for ages apart from to sleep." Lily says.

"You know I sleep very little, I'm usually in and out after and before you're awake." I say, and she rolls her eyes.

"You may want to stay around more, now that most people don't stay around. Everyone apart from our lot took after you and we rarely see them around anymore." Lily says, and my eyebrows raise surprised slightly.

"Well, apparently initiates make themselves scares now we've started mental stage. I didn't understand what they meant before but now we know about facing fears it makes sense everyone would want to spend a little more time alone." I say, imparting to her the knowledge Eric gave me this morning.

"Alone? I'd hate to be alone right now, I'd need at least you or Jay around!" Lily says with a pained laugh as we round the corner to the dorms, and sure enough Jay and Ben are chatting inside.

"I mean, stage 2 and 3 are only meant to take a couple of months, right? So, assuming we all make it through we'll be in apartments soon enough rather than these stuffy dorms." I say.

"Aw yeah an apartment! Guys we have to room together it would be awesome! That'll get me through initiation, just imagine a nice new snazzy apartment…" Jay trails off and I chuckle slightly.

"You're going to need more than that!" I mock, but he's lost in his own thoughts.

"We can definitely share though! I doubt any of us will have enough points for anything fancy but if we split...?" Lily suggests, moving to sit down next to Jay.

"That's chill with me, I mean I hadn't really thought about it…" Ben says, scratching the back of his head.

"Most people tend to group together with people with similar jobs and rankings, because of the income difference if we pass initiation." I say. "Leon was talking about it a few days ago."

"Oh…well I guess that kind of rules me rooming with you guys…" Lily mumbles.

"Lily I'll room with you no matter what." Jay says putting his arm around her and kissing her cheek and she lightens up.

"Avery, we'll have to keep clear of their sap…" Ben says giving me a cheeky smile and my eyebrows raise.

"Actually, I think I'll try and find some roomies who won't wake me up in the middle of the night." I say shortly, and Lily blinks slightly as Jay blushes for the first time since I've met him, and Ben chokes on his laughter.

"Huh? What do you…" Lily trails of as she finally puts two and two together. "Avery!" She jumps to her feet and I quickly grab my bags as she runs after me as I sprint out the room.

I hear her footsteps stop well before I stop running, and I start making my way to Eric's.

It's going to be harder than I thought to keep up this secret from them. Telling them would be the obvious option, but the more I think about it the more I worry about Lily's reaction, not to mention Jay's. The Dauntless-born seem alright with Eric, but quite obviously all the transfers seem a lot more wary of him.

"I was wondering when I'd catch you." I look up as I hear a familiar voice and smile as Eric holds the door to his apartment open, having just opened it as I turned the corner. Before I get anywhere near inside, he wraps an arm around my waist and presses his lips against mine, kissing me and pulling me into the apartment.

His enthusiasm makes me laugh and smile into the kiss, pulling away for air as he looks into my eyes.

"How was your day?" He asks, pulling me flush against him whilst tangling his other hand through my hair. "What was your fear? How do you feel?"

As I hold his gaze, I realise this is when I can tell him, this is when I tell him I was in there for 40 minutes and I still couldn't get out, and that Four has no idea what kind of fear mine was and he's extremely worried. This is when I tell him I'm confused because what the simulation showed me, it was scary, it should scare me, I know I should be scared… but it barely affected me. The only thing that shook me was that I couldn't get out of it when everyone else could. That I couldn't do something. This is when I trust him.

"It was darkness, not too much of a problem… I wasn't expecting a simulation though." I say lightly. "You do a good job of thinking of interesting ways to test us initiates. How was your day?"

I trust my words, but as our eyes hold, I don't know whether my own betray the truth.

I curl my arms around his neck and thread my fingers through his hair and peck him on the lips.

"Very unproductive, I was struggling to get some images out of my mind. Were you expecting the dark to be a fear of yours?" He asks as I pepper kisses down his neck, nudging the collar of his t-shirt down.

"I wasn't surprised it was a fear of mine, no. What I am surprised about is why you want to talk about what has happened today…" I trail off as my hands move to unbuckle his belt, pulling the zipper down and parting his trousers. "…when we can not talk about what I'm about to do now."

I let myself drop down to my knees, my lips hovering in front of his boxers, eyes looking up into his, darkening every second.

**I cannot wait, till the start of next chapter…**** Oh I get more disappointed with myself everytime I write one of these ffs I should just not make any promises about my updating habits. It's already been 2 months for heavens sake, so I'm going to stop apologising now and just get on with it. Anyway, a couple of main themes introduced this chapter, sorry that there's not much Eric action apart from this little ending nugget, but I can promise some next chapter… I hope Avery's fear creates enough mystery for the story, I can promise you it will not go where you think it will! I hope this chapter's been enjoyable, read and review as always! **


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